Trying to Find the Joy

No lies. This transition has been tougher than I ever imagined.  As my earlier post noted we've been through quite a lot and this week it has continued.  I'm documenting some of these events so one day when we look back we'll be able to see how far God has led us.  He is Faithful. He is Sovereign. He has a Plan.

But, I forget.

Covered By Prayer

In the last 24 hours a lot has happened.  Thankfully there are the faithful prayer warriors out there doing what they do and I'm witnessing the results of their intercession.

Yesterday, I met with the director of the homeschool program our kids were planning on attending.  After our brief meeting, I sensed some misgivings about attending.  First off, driving to the location required a commute on toll road that often has traffic delays.  Second, I sensed an air of conflict with the director. Third, it was a new program lacking years of experience.

The first day of this school was supposed to be today, but I was really hesitating being part of this group.  Stress began to set in.  What to do with little or no time to make changes?

Never Let Me Go

We've packed up and headed east.  In making this job transfer we've left behind palm trees, beautiful beaches, the hustle and bustle of Orange County and countless friends.  It's hard.  My heart aches to be close to the rushing waves.  I've lived close to the Pacific for the last 25+ years.  I didn't realize how much I'd miss it or how claustrophobic I'd feel without it.

Wishing for the Back Peddle in Life

It was 1986.  Southern Illinois across the river from St. Louis.  I packed up my royal blue '73 VW Super Beetle and followed my mom in her Dodge Caravan and my dad in his red '64 Volvo 544.

This looks exactly like my dad's car

Here's my bug...and my friends from high school.
Not sure what they're doing. I think they're breakdancing.

We were packed and heading west.

Truth be told, I'm a west coast girlie.  Born in Washington, raised mostly between Washington and California, but I spent three years in small-town mid-America where I graduated from high school and attended my first year of college.

In those three years, I became a mid-west girl.  I loved it SO MUCH!  I had amazing friends.  I had acclimated to the heat and humidity along with the miserable deathly cold winters.  I planned on growing old in Southern Illinois, sitting around the table with my midwest girlies talking about small town life, and having my kids know about corn fields and lightning bugs, but my plans were abruptly changed.

In the summer of 1986 my dad received orders (military Colonel) to head west.  I was going back to the familiarity of the Pacific Northwest, but my heart wanted to stay in the midwest.

Much to my despair and objection, we packed up and headed west across the U.S.

My heart was being ripped out.  I think it somehow broke.  The grief set in.

I loved the life in the midwest.

Following our departure, sadly, I entered the worst years of my life.  I won't go into how bad they were.  Just know....They sucked!

Then in 1988, life began improving.  I transferred to a great college, met the love of my life, and the rest is history, or so they say.

Fast forward 20+ years.

We're living the BEST LIFE ever!  To be honest, I think we live in paradise.  The last three years have gone by in a blink and they have brought me countless moments of joy.  Life in the O.C. has been completely dreamy.

Never in a million years did I think we'd ever live anywhere but the west coast.  I find comfort knowing the ocean is close.  I love seeing the water.  The sunshine and moderate climate are appealing.  I consider myself a coastal girl.

But wait...

Transfer???

To where???

The Midwest???

Illinois??

Again???

I have long since let go of the midwest girl I once was.

I'm trying to wrap my head and heart around this one.

I'm trying to remind myself I have precious friends in the Land of Lincoln.  There are adventures to be had, opportunities to embrace!

But really, it's just my heart that is breaking.

The other night we went to a movie with some friends of my oldest son and one of the dads.

At the end of the movie, the friend's dad, a scruffy teddy-bear-of-a-guy and former undercover police officer hugged me and said, "Come back to California.  Come back to California."

I'd really like to.

Three years ago, when I moved back to California after years away, I got off the plane, took a deep breath, and thought, "I'm back!"  It felt good.  I feel like this is a land I belong in.

I hope there is good in store for us although right now it's tough to think of life somewhere else.

I'd really like to back peddle and somehow find a way to stay in Orange County.

Nothing's coming.

Pray for us as we enter this new chapter in our lives.

Prayer for our kids and my hub would be appreciated.  I grew up doing this...it's tough stuff.  Moving, finding a home, friends, church, school opportunities, sports programs, etc.  It can be overwhelming and we're feeling it now.

T-minus not so many days...

And counting.