Sunday, August 19, 2012

Never Let Me Go

We've packed up and headed east.  In making this job transfer we've left behind palm trees, beautiful beaches, the hustle and bustle of Orange County and countless friends.  It's hard.  My heart aches to be close to the rushing waves.  I've lived close to the Pacific for the last 25+ years.  I didn't realize how much I'd miss it or how claustrophobic I'd feel without it.

We are now in the land of country roads, corn fields and water towers.

Our schedules and to do lists have been so packed the last couple months I haven't had time to absorb the reality of leaving the most beautiful place I've ever lived.

I'm now sitting in a hotel and reflecting.

To be quite honest...this really is the pits.  I'm searching for understanding. 

Deep down I know there's a reason for everything, but tonight I'm feeling the grief.

We're all grieving.

My heart aches for our kids who have left behind friends and sports teams.  They're troopers.  Truly amazing!  They're rolling with this better than I ever dreamed.  They're the most positive, embracing-the-moment kids I've ever known.  I could take a lesson or two or two thousand from them!

This morning, our first in Illinois, we attended Willow Creek church.

God is so faithful and met us just where we are.  We are blessed.  I'd like to share some of the ways he reassured me He's never going to let us go.  


Three plus years ago when we arrived in SoCal I was also grieving our move from Washington.  On our first Sunday at Rock Harbor we sang Matt Redman's You Never Let Go.  As I stood in church with tears streaming down my face, uncertain of why we were in Orange County I remember having a rush of peace cover me as I cried out singing this worship song.

This morning as we visited Willow Creek what song was included in the worship sequence?  Yes, YOU NEVER LET GO!  I don't believe in coincidence.  Hearing and singing this same song today reminds us in this move He will not let us go.  Through the calm and through the storms, He's right beside us.

After the worship music, Isaiah 42:3 was read.

When you pass through the waters,     I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,    they will not sweep over you.When you walk through the fire,     you will not be burned;    the flames will not set you ablaze. 

My mom sent me this same verse on July 9th after I had blogged about Wishing for the Backpeddle in Life.  


Then there was a special music and dance presentation.  Florence and the Machine's Never Let Me Go was the song.  Oh my word!  "And the arms of the ocean deliver me..."  When we moved to HB the arms of the ocean offered me such peace as I've never felt in my life before.  I felt God in the crashing waves and the gentle breeze. I really felt like we had found paradise.

After this song, Dr. Henry Cloud spoke.  His message is a WHOLE blog in itself, but I really wanted to run up to him after the message and ask that he'd take us back to Los Angeles with him.  He'd probably then offer me psychological help.  I thought it best not to meet him today.  Maybe next time.

We drove around our new town a bit today.  It's nice, but tonight I'm just missing the beach, our peeps, the palm trees, the smell of salty air, the pelicans, the sand, all of it!

I'm confident God has a plan and purpose, but for now, my heart just aches.


mserrano said...

I can relate to so much in your post. Matt Redman's song is one of my favorites! As I played it tonight I found tears streaming down my cheeks as well. I have to share something I experienced with you because it solidifies the truth of God being with us always.

As I was walking on campus for the first time by myself this past week, I was so scared for what this adventure has in store for me. I felt so lonely, not just not knowing anyone, but spiritually and emotionally alone. While walking past a coffee shop towards campus I spotted two men with their heads bowed at a table outside the shop. One older man and the other was about my age, athletic kid. I knew instantly that they were praying and in that instant I felt God's presence around me and was no longer scared or alone.

I continued my walk on campus in search of the student building and had no clue where I was, so I figured I would ask the person behind me for directions. I turned and asked for help and saw the young man I was asking for help from was the same young man that was praying at the coffee table. I finally felt like I had a friend and it solidified God's plan for me.

I am nervous for what lies ahead, and the scarier fact is that I am doing it by myself. I miss my family so incredibly much, but God has blessed me with so much and I cannot wait to see what else lies ahead.

I'm praying for you and the family Kimmy, you Wallaces have touched my life as well as many of the CF Marina lives. We are all so blessed to have had even a minute with you all. Truly an amazing family you guys are. Thank you for the countless number of lessons and stories you've shared with me Kim, your friendship and love has been such a blessing.

Dana Hope said...

I love God's reminder to you and I agree: that song was no coincidence.
I remember a quote shared with me a while back that recently came up while I was praying: "you can have understanding or you can have God but you won't have both." In our human nature, we so want understanding when things seem confusing. He will give you his peace and understanding will come but in His time. Love ya girl!