This week was All-Star selection in our local little league. It's met with enthusiasm and anticipation as boys from ages 9-13ish await to find out if they've "made the cut." It's also a stressful time of anticipation for parents too. Do we prepare our kids for the excitement or the big letdown?
Sports, politics and the politics of kids' sports stir up a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand, I know in every league, if people are involved there will be amazing dedicated volunteers, kids striving for the best they can be and parents hoping their child will shine in America's Best-Loved sport. On the other hand, with people involved and human flaws, life happens and the outcomes are not always fair...but that's life. It's not fair. And that's okay.
Before I was a mom, I knew I would dedicate my life to raising up godly, respectful, blessed children. If being a MOM was a recipe I knew the main ingredient would be LOVE.
With each child, I gave them a song during my pregnancy. Our oldest son's song is "Blessed" by Elton John. Drawing from the lyrics of the song, I knew he'd be blessed; I'd give him my best; I promised him that.
When you commit to raise children, promising to give them your best, you make choices and sacrifices along the way. I can't say I know how they will turn out as adults, but it is my desire to raise kids who are different. By different I mean they don't fit in the "teenager" box or the "terrible two's" box or whatever other box the world wants to put them in. Too often the world wants to place our kids a box. It is our hope that they are who God says they are. They are gifts packaged by God, different from any other kid who has hit this earth! I'm honored to be given the gift of being their mom.
Parenting = Leaning heavily on God and His Word. My plan in parenting was simple: pour vast amounts of love on our kids, correct self-centered behavior and teach them compassion for others. Along the way, in addition to love and compassion we hoped to teach them honor, respect, courtesy, kindness, generosity and more. We acknowledge their gifts and celebrate the way God made them.
There are times I look at them completely honored. Now I'm the one who is blessed.
Last night, our kids displayed their kindness, compassion and caring hearts.
I'm not sharing this to blow my own horn, but to celebrate what I see as the "different" behavior I had hoped and prayed for.
The kids accompanied me to the CrossFit gym for my workout. They are so patient! They've endured countless hours at the gym waiting.
Last night's workout consisted of:
3 Rounds
800 meter run carrying 35 pound weight
3 rope climbs up a 15 foot rope
12 thrusters (I did 55 pounds)
So they wouldn't be bored, I suggested they run with me. They love to workout, and jumped at the opportunity.
I found carrying 35 pounds while running is really tough. Actually, it was more of a shuffle. Our kids are incredible encouragers. Throughout the run, they consistently repeated, "Go, Mom! You're doing great!"
I forgot to mention we were running in the dark. I make it a practice to never run alone in the dark. I've mentioned numerous times about safety while running; running alone in the dark is not a good idea.
I have a friend, Suzie, who attends the gym at the same time. Suzie is incredible. She's made amazing progress! She was running alone last night when I was with the three kids. I noticed during round two of the workout, our younger two kids were close to my side, but my oldest was holding back. I sensed he was keeping tabs on Suzie making sure she was okay.
By round three, he was jogging alongside her offering encouragement. He finished round three with her.
When she walked in, she breathlessly said, "You're kids are awesome."
This melted my heart.
He is different.
How many teenage boys would hold back not looking to run for their own glory, but to ensure the 40-something made it in safely?
His heart is HUGELY kind and compassionate!
I love that!
I didn't tell him to run with Suzie. He just did it.
Developing your child's character isn't something you set out on a weekend to build. It's something that takes place everyday as you invest in your kids. It takes time, patience, and diligence. It's not easy, but so worth it! Be encouraged!
I read this quote the other day and it seems applicable:
Good communication is imperative in successful friendships, marriages and parent-child relationships.
But, even with the best intentions and willingness to listen sometimes what is begin said isn't what is heard.
I can't even tell you how many times my hub will say something, but what I hear is completely different from what he intended.
Effective communicating and listening can be really difficult. One perfect example occurred yesterday with our oldest son, The Teenager. NOTE: What I heard and what was being said were two completely different things.
We were at Target. We had just walked in front of the video/electronics section heading toward the toy section so our Lego son could look for Lego figures.
As we passed the electronics section, our oldest son blurted out in a loud voice, "ARE WE BROKE?"
I was a little shocked he would ask that right in the middle of the store, especially since it came out of the blue. It's true there have been some financial struggles lately with a number of unexpected expenses coming up, but we're by no means broke. Why would he ask such a thing?
I told him to be quiet.
Then he said it again, "ARE WE BROKE?"
UGH! Why does he keep repeating it? People at Target do not need to hear this.
Then he said it again, "ARE WE BROKE?"
I gave him the, "Do not repeat that again!" look.
He then gave me the, "Mom, what's your problem?" look.
I said, "Do not say that! There is not a problem. We're fine! Now stop it!"
He looked at me quizzically.
Then there was silence and we headed to the toy section.
After about another minute or two, he kind of whispered, "Mom, are we broke?"
Why won't he let that one go?
I then looked at him and said, "Honey, we're not broke. We're fine."
He then sighed and said, "No mom, Our Wii broke."
Oh...our Wii broke.
Whew!
He wasn't trying to frustrate me. We just didn't understand each other.
He kept saying, "Our Wii broke," but I was hearing, "Are we broke?"
My poor son!
How many times do we hear one thing, while our kids (or spouses) are saying something completely different.
As parents we need to really pay attention to our kids (and spouses), ask for clarification if necessary and make sure we are understanding each other before jumping to conclusions.
Listen to your kids (and spouses). What they're saying may not be what you're hearing at all.
We live in a Santa culture. It's the truth. And as much as I don't care for the over-materialized frenzy December brings, it doesn't appear to be falling out of fashion.
Our kids grow up singing, "You better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout, I'm telling you why...Santa Claus is coming to town." They watch shows like The Grinch,The Santa Claus,Rudolph and of course,Santa Claus is Coming to Town. We hang stockings, write wish lists and letters, and set out cookies and milk before bedtime on Christmas Eve. We visit Kris Kringle better known as Santa Claus at local malls, whisper wishes in his ear and have our photos taken with him.
Our kids with Santa
This year I surprised my Grandma and told her she was also having her photo taken with Santa.
She was a little embarrassed, but also seemed a little excited!
It really is a crazy thing if you think about it, but this is what Christmas American tradition looks like and I'm guessing there are similar themes around the globe. Worldwide, Santa may have a different name, but children still await the magical experience and the gifts.
I love the story of the original Santa, St. Nicholas, and share it with our kids. The sacrifice he made to help others is admirable.
So, St. Nicolas, the first true Santa was a gift-giver! Giving the gift, providing for the dowry of three young women so they could marry and not be sold into slavery.
Thinking on the dowry...although we don't have a necessary dowry requirement in our culture any longer, around the world this tradition continues. Years ago, I helped raise money for some friends in Uganda to pay a dowry of cows, goats, fruit etc. A friend of mine is currently helping a young man in Uganda raise his dowry so he may marry. St. Nicholas would be proud!
The couple we helped now have two beautiful girlies!
Back to Santa...
On the night before Christmas, our daughter set out a plate of cookies and cup of milk. After setting out the treats, she proceeded to place an important letter she wrote to Santa next to the treats.
Her letter read:
hi Santa i have a question
was there a hole bunch of santa's or just one
check yes or no
and if yes plese say how many and plese wake me up to see you
yes___ no___
how meny?
The letter was genuine and heartfelt. She anticipated his visit, but even more hoped for a response.
The next morning she rushed downstairs to see if he had responded.
Here's what she found...
Dearest Arabella,
Merry Christmas!
You are such a smart young girl! That’s what I love about you. I heard about your big win with the essay contest. Well Done!
So your question…How many Santa’s are there? Well, my dear, there is just one yet there are many people in your life who show you love, generosity and joy. We all work together to make this life magical, exciting and a much better place to live in.
I love your honest questions, childlike faith and heartfelt curiosity. Hold on to these traits.
I am sorry My Dear, but I can’t visit. I must be off! Hawaii is waiting for me!
Blessings to you!
And always remember who were celebrating this season- Jesus! He is the giver of All Good and Perfect Gifts!
You are Loved!
So there was the response. She was very excited about it and stashed it away in her "box" where all good things are kept.
Parenting can sometimes bring up tough questions. I don't honestly know how to answer every question that comes up. There are instances where I'm not sure if we're doing the right thing or not.
Determining how one chooses to handle and/or answer questions surrounding Santa is up to each particular family. There are absolutes in life and ultimately the truth is the best answer, but I like to preserve wonder and merriment when possible too.
There was a St. Nicholas. He was a gift giver. Additionally, there are people in our lives who work to bring about joy in keeping the magic of the season alive. Christmas is a magical season! We celebrate God coming to earth as a baby born unto a virgin! WOW!
It is all about Jesus, and it's also about gifts, family, celebration and fun!
Some explanations are best left to be dreamed of and wondered about. The joy in our child's eyes, her innocent questions, and the hope she has is a surprisingly wonderful gift to us.
Sometimes, as parents, our actions can leave our kids puzzled and confused. I really try not to be wacky mom, but some days I know I leave our kids saying, "Huh, what did she just do (or say)?"
Here's the latest story:
Our kids have become quite fond of boba (bubble tea) drinks. We even have "Boba" songs to express our boba love. While I usually order a Thai Tea Boba , a Coconut Milk Boba, or even an Avocado Boba Smoothie my preciouses love the fruit smoothie boba drinks.
Recently, I promised them, "If you score a goal at soccer, we'll celebrate with a boba drink." Scoring a goal is GREAT and celebrating with a boba is even better!
If you're not familiar with boba it's LARGE tapioca pearl that is placed in the drink. The drink is consumed through a large straw so the boba can easily travel in the liquid.
an image of boba tea found online
Our middle son scored a goal last weekend so during the week following one of his practices I thought it would be a great time for his boba drink treat.
BOBA...B-O-B-A....BOBA.... Can't you just hear the Kinks singing this tune?
On the way to the Vietnamese boba store, I was feeling very generous (and hungry) so I thought we'd continue our celebration at the neighboring Vietnamese restaurant.
We walked in and I noticed the "Cash Only" sign.
Bummer! I rarely have cash, and almost never have enough to feed 4-5 people, so our dinner would have to wait a minute while I went to the Vietnamese grocery, bought something, got some cash back and then we could continue our dinner plan.
While I was trying to make a decision what to buy, one of our kids began interjecting, "But I don't want Vietnamese soup tonight."
This child generally likes Pho.
The complaining continued.
I tried to block it out.
Regroup.
What was I looking for?
While I was continuing to look for something to buy, my tired, hungry child continued to remind me of the distaste for Vietnamese food, the other two began goofing around. One was squeezing the neck and shoulder of the other one creating a commotion.
I was still looking for something to buy. My tired brain was on overload and I couldn't make a decision.
I was losing my patience with my precious ones.
Then the soccer playing, goal scoring precious stood next to me to help me look for something to buy. Note: He just came from practice and was still wearing soccer clothing and CLEATS! I was wearing flip flops. He is notorious for stepping on my toes with cleats.
While he was looking with me, the other two then begin carrying on, maybe they weren't, but it felt like it.
Then, before I could do anything, soccer boy stepped back digging the cleats into my toes. I yelped! There was an indentation in my toe.
Immediately, I did an about face and said "Okay, we're heading home! No dinner out, no boba. I'll just make something at home."
I don't want to be a mom who promises and doesn't follow through, so since I promised the boba drink for the soccer goal, I'd still get the treat. But in hind site, maybe I should have waited.
I bought one boba and we headed home. It was a very quiet ride home. Two of our three kids had deer-in-the-headlights looks on their faces. It was one of the, "Huh, what did she just do?" moments.
Okay...there's the wacky mom thing and this afternoon one of my sweethearts and I talked about it and luckily we were able to laugh about it today. They all grant me so much grace!
On the way to today's soccer game, the sequence of events was replayed in our conversation. This sweetheart, who didn't get a boba drink the other night said, "Mom, I don't get it. I didn't step on your feet, but I didn't get a boba. My brother hurt you and got a boba. This doesn't make much sense."
True.
One kid stepped on my toe. Because of this event and the events that led up to it, I changed my mind about dinner and boba treats, but toe crusher got a boba. My thinking at the time was that he got it for the goal, which he did, but the other kids were bewildered as to why he got the drink. He had just crushed his momma's toe.
Sometimes my actions don't seem to make any sense to our kids even if I think they seem logical to me. As a parent, I need to keep these things in mind when parenting and reacting in situations.
I'm a big fan of talking with my kids and hearing their heart. I learn so much from them about being a better mom and person in general.
Thanks to my preciouses for their patience as we go through this thing called life together.
I love you!
On a good note, today there was another goal scored and we ALL went out for Boba!
Recently our oldest son stood behind me and said, "Mom, fall back. I'll catch you." My first response was, "No Way! What if you drop me? What if I fall on the floor? What if I break my arm? What if you hurt your back trying to catch me? What if? What if? What if?" The negative What if's? floating around my brain can overwhelm me leaving me just an anxious ball of stressed out momma worrying about the next terrible What if? consequence rather than thinking of the positive What if's?
Positive, relationship building What if's might be, "What if I do fall back and he catches me and then knows I trust him? or What if he catches me and realizes his strength and God-given sense of protection for another? What if I literally place my safety in the hands of another and I build trust as a result? What if this simple act proves to our son I trust him?"
After a moment thinking about the worst that could happen if I was dropped, I placed my trust in our oldest son. Guess what? He caught me. I really think it was a trust building moment for us. He knew I trusted him in that moment and I completely let go of the what if's and believed he was going to do the right thing and not let him momma fall on the floor.
I think it's safe to say the consensus on raising teens is: It's tough. Our oldest is now an official teen. It wasn't so long ago he was the little pee wee wrapped around my thigh, climbing counters and leaping from just about everything. He is now growing inches overnight and looking me in the eyes. His coolness factor has been on the steady up climb. He's getting stronger, more athletic, and the braces are taking care of the gaps that resulted from a missing front tooth. AND he's got cool hair. I think he's got the cool exterior stuff going on, but what really counts is his character. I'm blessed he's a young man of integrity, compassion, and wisdom. I wish when I was his age I had half of the integrity, wisdom, confidence and heart he possesses. He truly amazes me!
Seems like yesterday we had this type of activity going on at the house. Climbing, Climbing, Climbing!
Last weekend, I dropped the boys off at a birthday party. This little party has been stressing me out for days. The invitation was from a girl. This is the FIRST girl party invitation we've received since a preschool fire station party (I think) and I wasn't quite sure what to do with it. We're friends with the family through sports and they're great, but a girl (co-ed) party? And to make matters more stressful, it was a party with 22 girls invited and...4 boys! Can I hear an "OH MY WORD!"
I'm sure all who are reading this have an opinion about what to do in the situation. I think it's often difficult to draw a hard line that would apply to all kids. I've read many parenting books offering advice I'd never use or some advice I'd use with one of our kids, but not the other. Some strategies work with one, but are downright failures with the next. There doesn't seem to be a "one size fits all" method of parenting therefore I think it's important to be flexible and weigh the situation.
After much conversation, a review of family guidelines/expectations, and some compromise we allowed our boys to attend the party. They were together and they really hold each other accountable. They are great for each other. On the way to the party we talked about how as parents their dad and I are just learning how to navigate this season of life.
While dropping them off, I spoke to the mom relayed my concerns. She was understanding. I left. As I drove away, I really felt they were fine. They were just going to have pizza, play in the pool, play some games and have a little cupcake. A part of me was still stressed. I headed to the beach for a release the stress run.
The crashing waves, the sun and the smell of bon fires and bbq's does wonders! I feel so at peace at the beach. I set my ipod to shuffle and started running. I love when I set it to shuffle and the "right" songs come on for what my heart needs at the time. About a mile into the run, the song "I Surrender All" came on. Since I'm a recovering "Control Freak" these words soothed my soul.
I Surrender All
All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love and trust Him
In His presence daily live
All to Jesus I surrender
Humbly at His feet I bow
Worldly pleasures all forsaken
Take me, Jesus, take me now,
I surrender all
I surrender all
All to Thee my blessed Savior
I surrender all
All to Jesus I surrender
Make me Savior wholly thine
May Thy Holy Spirit fill me
May I know Thy power divine
I surrender all
I surrender all
All to Thee my blessed Savior
There are so many things I need to surrender. The kids we've been blessed to parent are first and foremost God's Kids. He loves them more than I ever will. We've parented thirteen years as we enter the teen years we'll slowly allow each child to make more and more decisions. Isn't that what parenting is about? Slowly letting your kids become the men/women God has designed them to be. One day, they'll each need to make tough decisions and if they've never made the little initial ones they won't know what to do. I can honestly say I trust our kids. We've watched them, made mental notes, and have developed trust.
The boys were grateful they were allowed to go to the party. They handled the situation very well. On the way to the car our middle son announces with enthusiasm, "Mom, there wasn't any inappropriateness! We just played in the pool and ate." He was so happy it was a great party and there was fun had by all. Furthermore, he knew his semi-stressed out momma could breathe a sigh of relief. One milestone on this journey of parenting was reached.
We don't have cable. We thought it would be a good idea. Cutting cable saves a few extra dollars in the monthly budget. And, I read The Plug-In Drug over the last year. It was definitely not one of my favorite books. I committed to read it, and persevered. Granted, I would usually only read 1-2 pages per day, so let's say, it took me about 200 days to finish it (and those were not consecutive days). That's pretty pitiful and downright sad, but I just couldn't get into a book that found it appalling that a child would want to watch Electric Company. Oooooo....Yikes! Or perhaps Flintstones. I think the book needs to be updated. These days there's a lot more on TV/cable and most parents would be grateful for a little Electric Company. Remember B...AT, Bat, C...At, Cat, etc.? Okay, if you don't maybe you can find it somewhere online.
Anyway, I already know watching a bunch of television isn't great. Kids who don't watch hours of television might do more interactive things, like play games with each other. Furthermore, moms who love FOX News might have to check the news in the morning, and then not worry about the troubles of the world for the rest of the day. Lastly, husbands who don't have access to television may not be able to watch soccer highlights. My sweetheart loves his soccer. These are all good things in moderation, but we were just feeling they might have been interrupting some of our quality family time.
Well, since cutting the TV IV out of our home life, our kids do play more games together. In fact they'd love to play board games all day. We're all reading much more and we have extra time for activities, exercise, sports, piano, and the like.
Now, don't think we're proud or cool over this little experiment. We still have televisions in our house. Unlike the days mentioned in The Plug-In Drug, we don't have an antennae that might blow over in a wind storm thus inhibiting television viewing. We also don't have televisions that break down for that matter. I'm not going to throw out a perfectly good flat screen. I'm not crazy! We still access Netflix through the Wii. We're not anti-gaming, but we limit them considerably. We do watch movies. Friday night, movie night is one of the best nights at our house. We have traditions. I'm not going to throw that baby out with the bath water. And, our kids have now found an appreciation for The Dick Van Dyke Show and I Love Lucy. That makes me smile for some reason.
So, for the most part, the benefits have far outweighed the negatives for cable-free home life. There are, however, a few exceptions. Super Bowl. This year as Super Bowl XLV rolled around we had no plans for watching. I guess we could have huddled around a computer to try to catch it, but that wouldn't have been much fun. So, what to do when you live in Southern California and you don't have a way to watch the Super Bowl? Go to Downtown Disney and watch it at ESPN Zone! I think that's a perfect way to make lemonade out of lemons.
So, here's my sweetheart and boys hanging out in front of ESPN ZONE watching the game on the BIG SCREENS! I must admit I'm not so much a football girlie. So, my girlie and I went to Sephora for a bit and made it back for the fun, energy boosting half-time show.
Rainforest Cafe in the background
Notice the beautiful glow on my cheek bone? Or perhaps the highlight on my browbone? Thank you Sephora!
Downtown Disney
Fergie and the half-time show....Boom Boom Pow!
The wait to eat inside was CRAZY, but we had a good time hanging out with the other sports fans outside.
