Thursday, October 04, 2012

Trying to Find the Joy

No lies. This transition has been tougher than I ever imagined.  As my earlier post noted we've been through quite a lot and this week it has continued.  I'm documenting some of these events so one day when we look back we'll be able to see how far God has led us.  He is Faithful. He is Sovereign. He has a Plan.

But, I forget.

This week I was overwhelmed and overcome.  Seriously, I didn't even realize how the stress was affecting my health.

October 1st was going to be my comeback to CrossFit.  It is an activity I love and it provides such a great stress relief.  I've been off for over a month and was ready to hit the gym.  Endorphins are my friends and I was pumped!

I texted one of my workout buddies in SoCal letting her know.  She sent texts of encouragement.

Here we are at my last CF workout in SoCal

The warm up was tough, but good.

The workout was going to be a tough one too, but I was ready.  It was an AMRAP of push jerks, ring dips and snatches.

First round of push jerks, 8 reps of 75#.  This would have been a challenging, but doable workout for me.

On the 8th rep, my arms were locked out above my head, but I wasn't steadying the weight.  It began to go back over my  head.  Instead of dropping it, I arched my back thinking I could recover it.  Stupid, stupid, stupid...I know, but I held on.  Next thing I know I'm heading back toward a back bend.  Then I felt a pop, pop, pop in my back.  I quickly dropped the weight. I was done. I rolled out and committed my evening to icing.

I went to bed with 3 acetaminophen because I couldn't find the ibuprofen and prayed there was no other problem.

At 3:00 am our middle son woke up with a sore throat and achy body.  I took care of him and then headed back to bed.  Still aching, I decided to switch sleeping positions as I hadn't moved up until then.  The throbbing in my mid-lower back kept me awake.  As I lay in bed, thoughts of medical bills, the need to find a doctor and/or chiropractor, the inability to workout, etc. started flooding my mind.

Once again, I got up and planned to take something to help with the pain.

Before I had the opportunity to take anything, I found myself on the hardwood floor in the hallway with my husband calling my name trying to wake me.  I lay with my face on the floor, my left hand close to my head.  I began to wonder where I was and what was I doing on the floor?  Had I slept on the floor?

My hub was saying, "Do you know where you are?"

I thought.

I responded, "I am at home."


I told him I wanted to get up.

I then worked myself to standing with his help.  We made it as far as the bathroom and I apparently fainted again.  The next thing I knew my hub was talking to a 911 operator.

The next 4 hours included paramedics coming to our house, a ride in an ambulance, a trip to the ER, scans, and tests.

Everything looked good.

According to the doctor, I probably had a vasovagal attack.

What the heck is that?

Well, my sweetheart, while sitting in the ER did a little research.  Vasovagal attacks, or fainting, can be brought on my pain, stress, emotional distress, anxiety, along with a number of other triggers.

So the good word is my heart looks good.  There was no injury as a result of the fainting.  Overall, health is good.  Back looks fine, other than some muscle soreness.  I'm just not handling the stress very well.

I miss the sunshine.

I miss friends.

It's a lonely time.

Today, I had to get out to find some joy.

Nature brings me joy.  Being cramped in a house brings me stress.

We found a local nature center filled with autumnal trees, manicured landscapes, and overall, breath-taking amazing color.  Filling our days with more than schoolwork is a necessity.  I need to get out more, take deep breaths of fresh air. Most importantly I need to take care of my health, physical, mental, and emotional. I'm not a very good wife and mom when I'm a wreck.

My prayer is God will bring us friends and more importantly that I will be able to appreciate life in this new place.

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