I've sat down to blog my thoughts many times in the last few weeks, but every time the words just don't come and the ones that did echoed my whiny complaints. Our circumstances within the last year or so don't seem to make sense and I've asked the question, "Why?" too many times to count.
Not to bore you with the details of our life drama, know we've dealt with trials that encompass a cross-country move, loss of friends (due to move), sale of what we thought was our dream house, health issues, financial strain, insurance problems, auto issues, new school, renter issues, hotel living, court dates (to deal with non-paying renter), worries about our kids making friends, and as of Friday I learned my identity was stolen.
In this new place we're learning to live day by day. We've talked about the strength gained making it through tough seasons of life. And over the last 20+ years my sweetheart and I have been through some tough stuff and every time we say something to the effect, "If we made it through this, we can make it through the next thing life brings."
The other day a couple friends texted me that they were praying for us. To one, my response was, "I feel like I've been in the refiner's fire lately. Learning more and more to trust because I can't carry this load."
She sent me a song that evening. Some of the lyrics were,
"In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames"
To be completely honest, who wants to be refined through the flames?
That would be painful!
But the outcome is a faith proved of more worth than gold.
Many want the outcome, but would pass up the pain and trials.
Today, as I was driving (in the car by myself- it was so quiet) to the police station to file a case of identity theft the words "TO WANT FOR NOTHING" came to mind.
I really sensed it to be a message from God in answer to my "why"?
I nearly had to pull over from emotion. My eyes began to well up with tears.
In my mind the words just kept repeating over and over.
To Want For Nothing
To Want For Nothing
I really sense God wants me to want for nothing. When I had everything material I always had another want. With the changes we've experienced all I want is to trust Him more. To want more of Him.
To Want for Nothing of this world.
To ONLY want for Him. To Trust Him. To have Faith in Him alone.
I will continue to meditate on these words, "To Want for Nothing." Today and tonight they were a response to my many why's. I will cling to these four words.